Police Department Voice Mail

Hello, you have reached the Police Department's Voice Mail. Pay close
attention as we have had to update the choices often as new and usual
circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options:

To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that 
you created yourself, press 1.

To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we will 
do something about a problem, press 2.

To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the 
officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3.

If you would like us to raise your children, press 4.

If you would like us to take control of your life due to 
your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5.

If you would like us to instantly restore order to a 
situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6.

To provide a list of officers you personally know so we 
will not take enforcement action against you, press 7.

To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have 
our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8.

To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many 
other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb butt
in line, press 9.

Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper 
customer support and remember.....we're here to save 
your butt, NOT kiss it!

Thanks for calling your local police department and 

have a nice day.