Our Story: An Invalid Taking Care of an Invalid

So, I feel like crap, but my husband is injured and bed-ridden for at least the next few days. One surgery down, and most likely, one to go. I had to bring him food and water, help him get in and out of bed, empty his pee bags, help him shower. I was happy to do all of these things for the man I loved, but not in my state. I was queasy, I was easily exhausted, and I was irritable. Not a good combo for someone who was to be nursing someone else back to health.

My in-laws came to help. I was thankful and hoped they’d just do their own thing and ask Ryan what he needed. But, as to not bother him, they deferred all questions to me. Now, please remember: I was just a few weeks pregnant with the twins. I was exhausted, hormonal, crazy and emotional. (Hopefully, I'm not anymore...Wink.) They wanted to do things we needed done, but I was in no condition to coordinate efforts. I could hardly take care of myself, let alone answer questions about care for someone else. I was too exhausted to think. They cleaned and did yard work. They folded laundry and made meals. It was nice to have them there, but it stressed me out anyway. I felt horrible that I wasn’t being a hostess to them, but, I felt crappy too, damn it!

His mother took me shopping for groceries since our cabinets were near bare. I was too tired to wander around a grocery store, but trying to be polite, I obliged. She grabbed a cart and we wandered the store. She would see a product and ask, “Does Ryan like ___?” I had no idea on most of the items. He did the shopping since he was the one that worked at the grocery store. He was a picky vegetarian and I was also picky. Between being newlyweds and crazy schedules, we didn’t eat many meals together besides breakfast cereal and peanut butter sandwiches.

After an almost excruciating trip to the store, we headed home with our loot. Thank goodness I was not required to haul the groceries in the house. All I wanted to do was nap. I checked on Ryan in the bedroom – he was content and listening to music on his iPod. I went back upstairs and laid down on the couch. I heard my in-laws bringing in groceries but I didn’t care.

Not ten minutes later, my mother in law was calling to me from downstairs. I was so aggravated, and I guess it showed. I got up to see what she needed. She had both of Ryan’s urine bags in her hands and was asking how to empty them. I then heard the shower running and knew she had ushered him into the bathroom. He wasn’t quite stable enough to stand that long by himself yet. I bounded down the stairs and took the bags from her and went into the bathroom to help Ryan. I was way too tired to be a cordial hostess. I found Ryan trying to hold himself up in the shower, very weak and very happy to have some help now.

While I helped Ryan shower, my in-laws changed our bed sheets, a very thoughtful gesture. By the time they were finished, I had Ryan all cleaned up and ready to get back to bed.

Between being tired and cranky, being stressed that my in-laws were there to help but wanted instruction, not feeling up to having sex, and having to take care of my now invalid husband, I was at my threshold. With so much going on, I teared up a few times, sometimes within sight of one or both in-laws, and many times in front of Ryan.